Trust me, you’re going to want to read this!
As a professional bridal hair and makeup artist of sixteen years, I have heard and seen it all. Brides get so nervous before their big day, and that is totally normal.
Planning the wedding and handling the stress is a great test as a couple, because life happens, and you will need clear communication to make it through the hard times. There are so many details to prepare.
Below, you’ll find my top tips for staying sane, happy, and true to yourself before, during, and after your wedding day.”
Don’t Forget About Yourself - Single!
Your wedding day is near, and soon you'll share everything with your partner. Brides often lose their sense of self during wedding planning and marriage.
No matter your life stage, make time for what you love.
Women often focus on family and forget themselves. Remember, your happiness is your responsibility—so treat yourself and spend time with friends.
No Marriages Are Perfect
Happy marriages take a lot of work. As a couple, you will experience amazing years together and some dark years together, and that is normal.
Under the stress of wedding planning, emotions can get carried away. Harsh words can be said to one another, but as long as you come together to forgive or let the argument go, then everything will be ok.
Everything is not always as it may seem. I am a firm believer in keeping marital issues between the couple and someone they trust. Unless it's something official, posting issues online will only cause more heartache.
Don’t Compare Your Marriage
Doom scrolling through Instagram, it’s too easy to fall into “comparison and envy”. Most of us follow at least one influencer couple or parents who seem to have it all together. Their photos are full of smiles. Their posts or stories showcase laughter or new projects they are working on together.
According to Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of Joy”. Comparison can cause dissatisfaction, resentment, and unrealistic expectations in a marriage. I wouldn’t want my spouse to have any of these emotions toward me. Would you?
When I come across someone’s page, and I start to feel that “envy,” I take a deep breath and whisper to myself, “Good for them. I pray this happens to me too”. Then I move on, or I stop following them. Keeping myself away from negative emotions is far more important than following an influencer.
Aaron Courter Photography
Do you want Kids and How Many?
This question is HUGE and cannot be skipped when getting married. Parenthood is incredibly rewarding, but it does come with its many challenges and will also challenge important subjects outside of yourselves, such as finances.
Discuss with your fiancé about whether they want to become a parent biologically, through adoption, or through surrogacy.
Becoming a mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so thankful I have a husband who had the same dream of becoming a parent. Here is an awesome parent, and there is no way I would want to do this without him. If children are your heart’s desire, then plan for after the wedding, whether that be a honeymoon baby or a few years after the wedding.
Should I Invite my Great Aunt Sue?
Planning a wedding can be very stressful. Deciding who to invite, making seating charts, and sending invitations can make it even harder.
Before sending invitations, sit down with your fiancé and list your closest friends and family you want at your wedding. Then, ask your parents if there is anyone they would like to invite. If you want a small guest list, that's perfectly fine. If your budget can't cover a big wedding, it's okay to say “NO” to extra guests.
Rule of thumb: if you haven't spoken to someone in five years, you probably don't need to invite them.
Team Up! Team Marriage!
Planning your wedding is a great opportunity to practice teamwork with your partner. Share tasks based on your interests, such as one focusing on music and the other on flowers or food. Decide together which aspects of the wedding are most important to both of you, and agree on a budget that fits your needs.
Remember, weddings celebrate both partners and their families, so listening to each other is key. Take time to understand your future spouse’s wishes before meeting with vendors, as feeling heard helps both of you feel valued and loved.
Planning your wedding together as a couple sets the foundation for teamwork and a strong relationship. Here are some actionable ways to collaborate and make the process enjoyable for both of you:
Share planning tasks based on your interests; for example, one partner can handle music while the other focuses on flowers or food.
Discuss and agree on which events, items, or vendors matter most to both of you.
If you are both paying for the wedding, set a budget together that works for both of you.
Remember that the wedding is a celebration for both partners and their families, not just one person.
Practice active listening to understand your partner’s needs, wants, and desires—this is key to a successful relationship.
Make sure both partners feel heard and valued throughout the process, fostering love and support as you plan your future together.
Joss and Tree Photography
Time to Be Indiana Jones!
Ok, so you don’t have to go find an ancient civilization, but exploring the world with your fiancé/husband is something to add to the bucket list. When planning your wedding, ask yourselves, “Where do we want to go for our honeymoon?”
The honeymoon is an important part of your wedding planning and your budget. Traditionally, the honeymoon was right after the wedding. The honeymoon is a time of rest before you go back to work and school. Your budget is a very important topic of discussion when deciding what part of the world you want to explore.
Wherever you decide to go, remember, this is a special time for just the two of you.
SPACE: Can be a good thing
Planning a wedding can bring up a lot of drama. Friends and family tend to go wild during two major life events: weddings and babies. It’s like society loses all forms of manners and consideration. Stress can lead to arguments between you and your soon-to-be spouse.
Pro tip: This is where I recommend that it’s ok to take some time for yourself. Or take a short getaway just the two of you, and don’t talk about the wedding. That’s right, you heard me. NO WEDDING TALK.
When planning my wedding, I had to fire my own mother because her taste in décor wasn’t what I wanted. Years ago, I helped one of my bridal clients lock her mom out of the bridal suite because she was causing the bride too much stress. But that’s a story for another day.
Ask Questions, and LOTS of them!
There are so many vendors to choose from when you are planning a wedding. It’s going to get a little overwhelming, especially if you don’t have a planner.
What type of theme or vibe do you want?
Do you want a small or a big wedding?
What is your budget compared to the average cost of a nice wedding in today’s economy?
Once you can answer these few questions, then you can move on to book your first three vendors: the dress, the venue, and the photographer.
Please respect their time as they have other brides who also need their attention. Don’t be afraid to send them a follow-up email if you have additional questions. Here are some sample questions to consider:
What are your payment terms?
What is your lead time for delivery?
Can you provide references from other clients?
Do you offer discounts for bulk orders?
Are there any additional costs we should be aware of?
Marriage Monopoly
Planning a wedding can so easily turn into a competition. It’s easy for the bride or groom to feel that they are doing most of the heavy lifting when planning.
Weddings and marriage are not about competition or comparison. When there is strife because of comparison, it’s time for healthy communication about each other’s duties in the relationship. Maybe the other partner can plan the food rather than just the tuxedos.
Marriage is not 50% and 50%. It's about giving 100% to your partner every day.
If you find yourself comparing your marriage to your friends or family or to a random influencer, then you need to shut off the source. Unfollow the influencer, take a break from family/friends, and check your own heart.
No Marriage is 50/50
I was scrolling on Instagram a video popped up of an older gentleman working in a woman’s home. He was repairing something. He and the homeowner struck up a conversation about marriage. This man was in his 70s, and he had been married for over 50 years.
The homeowner asked him what advice he would give her. She and her husband had not been married for very long. He said, “Marriage is not 50/50. Marriage is 100/100. You must give 100 percent every day to the marriage. Some days, one spouse is giving 100 percent, and the other is not. But marriage is 100/100.”
As someone who has been married for over 15 years, I absolutely agree with this gentleman. Marriage is what you put into it. Especially when hard times come. When your spouse loses a parent, will you be right by their side? Or walk away because their grief is too heavy. If they contract a disease, will you still give them 100% of yourself?
Timeless Tree Weddings
Wedding Day Tip #1
Attention brides! Here is some behind-the-scenes advice from an experienced wedding vendor: me! With over 17 years in the wedding industry, I have valuable insights to share with future brides.
Tip #1: Prioritize what matters most to you! Set your budget, decide what you truly want for your wedding, and make it happen. For example, if you want to get ready with your friends in a private hotel suite and prefer not to have your mother-in-law present, assign her a helpful task to keep her occupied so you can enjoy your time.
One of my clients once shared concerns about her difficult mother potentially disrupting her special day. My team and I ensured she did not enter the bridal suite, and nearly 10 years later, the bride still remembers this as one of her favorite wedding moments.
Emily Sky Photography
Wedding Day Tip #2:
Eat before you leave your bridal suite! It's normal to feel nervous on your wedding day, but make sure to have a protein-rich meal. The day will move quickly, and you likely won't have a chance to eat until after the reception. Once you sit down with your food, you'll be pulled away for photos or dances.
Pro tip: Ask your planner or coordinator to arrange with the caterer to pack your meal for you to take to your hotel or wedding night location. This way, you’ll have a meal ready when you finally get a moment to relax.
Emily Sky Photography
Wedding Tip #3:
I tell all my brides: Expect that something might not go as planned on your wedding day. Maybe the Unexpected issues like weather changes, misplaced documents, or late guests may happen, but you will still get married. Accepting this lets you enjoy your special day. Embrace the moment for lasting memories.
Remember, your wedding is about celebrating your love—not social media or paperwork.
Let your love and genuine connection be what people remember most from your wedding day.